A long, long time ago in a land far, far away, where no one can go, but all thoughts can stray, there lived a dying king. The dying king had a wish, that his son, prince Martin, should marry before his death. And so a great ball was held, and all the ladies of the land invited.

On the night of the great ball prince Martin danced with many a delightful and charming young lady. Each followed his lead flawlessly and accommodated his every desire. Frankly, this bored prince Martin, and after some time he ignored the gazes of the women expectantly waiting to be asked for a dance. As he pondered his predicament of having to choose between women equally unappealing, he heard brisk, decisive steps approaching. Looking up, he found himself faced by a slender, calm, confident young woman. Before he could reflect on her beauty for long, he felt her firm grip on his arm pulling him to the dance floor. Prince Martin followed her lead from one end of the room to the other, through every turn, twirl, and jump. He had never had so much fun, and by the end of the dance, he was hers – in every way.

The couple, Martin and Nina, were wed the very next day. The king was finally put at ease by the knowledge that someone competent was going to rule the kingdom, and died shorty therefter. King Martin’s happiness was short-lived however. After queen Nina had settled all the internal affairs of the kingdom, she grew restless. She embarked on ever more extensive war campaigns against the neighboring kingdoms – all of them succesful.

King Martin found himself alone for months on end. Without his queen he would sink into depression and lose his appetite. He stayed in his chambers. If food was brought to him, he would leave it untouched. The royal chef threatened to kill himself if the king kept on insulting his cuisine in such a way. King Martin felt guilty, and tried to push the food around his plate so as to make it appear as if he had eaten something. This seemed entertaining enough to him, and he continued playing with the food. He squeezed it between his fingers and rolled it in his palms, and before he realized what he had been doing, he had molded the perfect female breast. Gasping in surprise, he quickly hid the breast underneath his bed. In the days to follow, the royal chef was blissfully happy, as the king was asking for seconds, thirds, or even fourths. Quickly, what had once been just a perfect breast, turned into a perfectly sculpted female form. Once the masterpiece was finished, king Martin once again became acutely aware of how much he missed queen Nina. Seeking comfort, he lay by his creation. The sculpture came to life in his embrace, easing his loneliness.

Queen Nina returned a year later to find the creature. Without king Martin’s knowledge, she ordered the royal chef to slaughter and cook her for dinner. The royal chef nibbled on the creature, found her most delicious, and set to preparing the meal with zeal. But as he opened her stomach he found a baby boy. Not to be distracted from his task, he nibbled on the boy, and finding him not quite as tasty, threw him out onto the compost pile. Royalty should have only the best. King Martin found the dinner delicious, and asked what it was. When the chef told him, the king choked on a piece of his beloved and died. Realizing what he had done, the chef finally made good on his promise to kill himself.

In the meantime, an old hag, who regularly came to the castle to cure the ladies of the court of inappropriate pregnancies, was passing by the compost pile just as the baby boy fell into it. Seeing that the baby was alive, she took him back to her hut in the forest and raised him there. At some point she realized that the head first fall into the compost pile had not been harmless - the boy was dumb, but good natured and loyal. For this, she named him Sabachka, which means ‘little dog’. Sabachka turned out be an excellent cook, much to the joy of the old hag. And so the old hag and Sabachka lived happily and peacefully for many years.

But Sabachka was the son of the perfectly sculpted female form, and he developed into the most beautiful young man any eyes had ever seen. It was only a matter of time before he was discovered by the local maidens. They spent entire nights outside his window wooing him. The hag got fed up with this and held a contest - the woman who could make for her the most berry jam would take Sabachka home. If she was going to have no one to cook her food, she might as well have some jam. All the women set to gathering berries, but one collected all the berries in all the neighboring forests and made a hundred jars of jam. The hag, satisfied with the mound of jam, gave Sabachka to the woman.

The woman was a sorceress. She was pleased with Sabachka’s looks, but was disappointed by his stupidity. So she endowed Sabachka with the finest intelligence. She and Sabachka played a game. The sorceress lost every time, and every time she plucked out a hair. When she hadn’t a single hair left, she plucked off her head.

Sabachka returned to the old hag, and the wooing continued. The hag once again held a contest – the woman who could build her the most beautiful house would take Sabachka home. If she was going to have no one to repair her hut, she might as well be living a brand new house. All the women built houses, but one built a mansion stretching over an acre. The old hag, satisfied with her new home, gave Sabachka to the woman.

The woman was a sorceress. The sorceress was pleased with Sabachka’s looks and intelligence, but found that he had the emotional sophistication of a dog. So she endowed Sabachka with the finest emotions. As Sabachka was overcome with these emotions for the very first time, he cried. The sorceress drowned in his tears.

Sabachka returned to the old hag, and the wooing continued. The hag once again held a contest – the woman who could gather for her the most firewood would take Sabachka home. If she was going to have no one to fetch her wood, she might as well have a supply to heat her big mansion. All the women gathered firewood, but one woman chopped down a whole forest. The old hag, sure that she would keep warm for years, gave Sabachka to the woman.

The woman was a sorceress. The sorceress was pleased with Sabachka’s looks, intelligence, and emotions, but found him too easy to seduce. So she endowed him with the finest morals. Sabachka then realized that it would be immoral for him to stay with a woman whom he did not love, and so he left the sorceress.

Sabachka returned to the old hag. The old hag had everything she wanted – shelter, food, and heat. She told Sabachka to go away. So Sabachka set out into the world. Everywhere he went women would see him and follow him. His movements across the world caused great migrations of the female folk. Kids were not born, laundy was not washed, meals were not cooked. Heirless, dirty, hungry men prayed nightly that Sabachka would find a woman so that their wives and daughters would return, but to no avail. No woman impressed Sabachka enough. Finally he headed back for his homeland, followed by all the female folk of all the lands he had visited. At the border he was met by Queen Nina wielding a large sword.

‘I’ll put an end to this nonsense’, she said, swinging her sword back.

In the following instant Sabachka realized that she was the woman he had been seeking, and she realized the same. Queen Nina took Sabachka to her castle, and crowned him king. She was happy to find that Sabachka’s cooking was the best she had had since the suicide of the royal chef. Together they ruled the kingdom happily ever after.